After writing yesterday's entry, I got to thinking about Valentine's Day cards that I used to give and receive when I was a kid. I remember making sure that every person in my class received a card that was appropriate for our relationship (or the relationship as I perceived it in my own head) and sometimes it was quite a struggle given the little phrases that were pre-printed on my Holly Hobbie or Strawberry Shortcake cards.
I watched my son fill his cards out and although he also checks to make sure no boys get a "Be Mine" card, it's not that difficult for him. What used to take me several hours only takes him 30 minutes, tops. At first I thought it was a gender thing but soon realized it's a generational thing. The Valentine's Day cards of yore were just plain perverted and I have evidence to prove it.
"I'd like to 'Planet' so that we're Valentines"
This one isn't that bad, but the rocket makes me think of a big penis and where the giver of this card would really like to land it. Maybe the card isn't perverted and it's just me.
"Valentine, I've rounded you up"
Nothing like a little roleplay and bondage to ignite the passions of love.
"To my Valentine, how about an offer?"
This one speaks for itself. However, I do wonder why children were often portrayed in V-day cards to look so baby'ish. They had toddlers flying rockets and standing on street corners. My only thought is that maybe they wanted to give the child a more innocent look -- say one of a cherub standing on a street corner pointing to his sign.
"Hey, Mom! You're my best gal!"
I don't know but there's something really freaky about this card. Maybe it's the way the boy is winking while his hand is casually stuffed in his pants pocket. Or, it could be the way he calls his Mom his "best gal". And once again, we have the face and body of a toddler. Either way, I think this qualifies as perverted in that incestuous kind of way.
"Be My Super Valentine! Ye Gads! Where did you get your super charm? If I weren't in-vulnerable, my heart would THROB!
Okay, this one just makes me incredibly happy. The tights. The overuse of the word super (I can hear the card designer now ... "Get it? Super Heroes. Super Valentine. Super Charm!"). The use of the word "in-vulnerable". The THROBBING. I love it!
Now, what about you? Do you remember any of the cards you used to give out? Have any fond childhood memories of Valentine's Day or has it always sucked?
Self-Made Man 