February 25, 2006

I confess to being a TV junkie. I have a DVR and I've been discovering so many new (to me) shows lately. When I read on CNN that Michael J. Fox was going to be appearing in three episodes of Boston Legal, I made a mental note of it and recorded those episodes. I'd never watched Boston Legal before, but I absolutely adore Michael J. Fox. He was my only celebrity crush throughout junior high school so I naturally have a fierce, loyal allegience to support anything that man does. He IS the 80's for me.

It really only took one episode for me to become hooked. I am addicted to Boston Legal. And, I have a major squeeee thing going for James Spader. On this show, Spader just exudes this confidence and he's actually quite the pervert too. He's not what I'd normally define as traditionally sexy... but he's got something going for him that just makes me say "yay" everytime he comes on the screen.

Also, I did not realize that James Spader was E. Edward Grey from the movie "Secretary". I loved that movie! I'm going to have to rent it again now though because I have a new outlook.

I don't just like the show because of James Spader though. It really is a good show. I feel like I've just reverted back to my silly Michael J. Fox crush again, only this time with James Spader. And just so you know, I'm totally embarrassed to be admitting my adoration to a celebrity.

Hello. My name is Joy. I am 31 years old and I love celebrities.

It's all about the first step.

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February 24, 2006

Today, I joined Curves. Yes, yes, I know it's not a "real" gym and that the founder gave a bunch of money to anti-abortion organizations some years ago (and probably still does but people seem to forget about things after the publicity dies down) but here's the thing:

When you weigh as much as I do, it just doesn't matter. I have to do what's best for me because my weight just isn't something to whine about over a pint of ice cream anymore. I've allowed myself to spiral to a place where I fear for my life. I know that diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and quite possibly heart disease are on my horizon and I'm only 31 years old. Well fuck that. I refuse to sit around and die. I've already allowed myself to become someone I hate.

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February 23, 2006

Little Eva was right. Breaking up is hard to do.

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February 20, 2006

Chris and I have decided to go separate ways. I'm not sure if I feel relief or sadness (probably both). I'm not sure what I've said here about Chris (and I'm in no mood to go back and review) but there is a 14 year age difference between us and I think that had something to do with our issues. In my opinion, he is set in his ways and has a low tolerance for children, mine included. In his opinion, I simplify the issue by stating that he simply doesn't like children. Regardless, we have drastically different approaches to child-rearing. His approach seems to be "children should be seen, not heard". And, I agree with him to an extent.

I do believe that children should know there is a time and place for certain behaviors. I wouldn't allow my child to run up and down the aisles at church or even the grocery store. However, I don't have a problem with him voicing his opinion about where we go eat or how we spend an afternoon together. That doesn't mean I'm going to grant his wish, but I do allow him to give his input.

There were several other issues that just seem to be too large for us to overcome but I think the child issue has always been at the center of it. My son comes first. He has too. So, I gave him the option of taking a step back and only spending time with me, he declined.

So, here I am. Single again.

All of this has brought up one thought in my mind. Is it even worth it to date seriously when you have children involved? How do other people do it? How long do you wait before introducing your child to your date? Is there a difference between how dating is handled with younger children and older ones?

I've always shielded my son from any dates I've had until now. Mostly because I didn't think it was healthy for him to see me out dating numerous men. Now, I wonder if I have done a disservice to him by allowing him to believe that I have absolutely no life outside of him.

I know that my son didn't like it when I told him I was seeing Chris. I know that he resisted getting to know him and that he was rude and disrespectful at times. Chris always saw that as a behavioral issue whereas I saw it as my son trying to adjust to a new situation. He isn't normally rude or disrespectful (out of all the children at his school, he won the character trait for "respect" last year) and when he was with Chris, I always corrected him. We had many discussions about the way to act and I did discipline him the few times he was out of line. Chris thinks he should be punished. I thought punishing him would just make things worse as it was apparent my son was trying to cope with this new person in our lives. I believed things were getting better but according to Chris, they weren't.

We aren't even speaking at this point and there hasn't really even been a definite "This is over" declaration. He said he'd call or see me in person in a few days to discuss more but at this point, I'm tired and I have nothing left to say.

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February 16, 2006

My son and I went through the drive-thru at Chick-fil-A about a month ago and the guy in the window called me a Sir. Not once. Not twice. But three times. He never caught on that I was a woman. I realize I'm overweight and therefore, my breasts probably aren't the first thing people notice, but holy shit. At the time, I just shrugged it off after a few hours of dwelling on it and then completely put it out of my mind.

Until tonight.

My son is sleeping over at a friend's house and so I decided to treat myself to a Target shopping trip without being accompanied by a string of pleas. Chick-fil-A happens to sit at the corner of the Target shopping center and it was late and I didn't have anything quick and good to eat at home, so I decided to stop there.

As soon as I rolled up to the window, one of the workers, who happened to be male, took my debit card, swiped it and then handed it back to me as he said, "Do you need a receipt, Sir?" Holy fucking shit.

I was so embarrassed by his obvious faux pas (okay, obvious only to me) that I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t want him to hear my voice and realize the mistake he’d made. So, I just nodded and smiled throughout the exchange.

So, now I'm wondering if I really do look either asexual or male. Maybe I should change my name to Pat.

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February 14, 2006

After writing yesterday's entry, I got to thinking about Valentine's Day cards that I used to give and receive when I was a kid. I remember making sure that every person in my class received a card that was appropriate for our relationship (or the relationship as I perceived it in my own head) and sometimes it was quite a struggle given the little phrases that were pre-printed on my Holly Hobbie or Strawberry Shortcake cards.

I watched my son fill his cards out and although he also checks to make sure no boys get a "Be Mine" card, it's not that difficult for him. What used to take me several hours only takes him 30 minutes, tops. At first I thought it was a gender thing but soon realized it's a generational thing. The Valentine's Day cards of yore were just plain perverted and I have evidence to prove it.

"I'd like to 'Planet' so that we're Valentines"

This one isn't that bad, but the rocket makes me think of a big penis and where the giver of this card would really like to land it. Maybe the card isn't perverted and it's just me.

"Valentine, I've rounded you up"

Nothing like a little roleplay and bondage to ignite the passions of love.

"To my Valentine, how about an offer?"

This one speaks for itself. However, I do wonder why children were often portrayed in V-day cards to look so baby'ish. They had toddlers flying rockets and standing on street corners. My only thought is that maybe they wanted to give the child a more innocent look -- say one of a cherub standing on a street corner pointing to his sign.

"Hey, Mom! You're my best gal!"

I don't know but there's something really freaky about this card. Maybe it's the way the boy is winking while his hand is casually stuffed in his pants pocket. Or, it could be the way he calls his Mom his "best gal". And once again, we have the face and body of a toddler. Either way, I think this qualifies as perverted in that incestuous kind of way.

"Be My Super Valentine! Ye Gads! Where did you get your super charm? If I weren't in-vulnerable, my heart would THROB!

Okay, this one just makes me incredibly happy. The tights. The overuse of the word super (I can hear the card designer now ... "Get it? Super Heroes. Super Valentine. Super Charm!"). The use of the word "in-vulnerable". The THROBBING. I love it!

Now, what about you? Do you remember any of the cards you used to give out? Have any fond childhood memories of Valentine's Day or has it always sucked?

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February 13, 2006

Oh jesus, I've gone and done it again. I suck so much at keeping this thing updated. I'm the most un-dependable (is that a word?) blogger ever. In fact, I don't think you can really consider what I do as blogging so I'm probably not worthy of the "blogger" title. If I ever told anyone that I have a blog, they'd come here, shrivel up their nose and say "That's not a blog!" very condescendingly.

Never fear, I am here now and I have an assortment of stories to tell you. I think this is my problem: My life is really rather normal and routine and so I have to store up a collection of anecdotes to share with you all at once because it is really only the sum of them that seems to matter -- individually, they suck.

So, first things first.

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