When I was in sixth grade, our entire class - which consisted of about 50 students and two teachers - took a field trip. I do not remember where we went or what we learned. I only remember the bus ride coming back and Nicholas Lincoln*.
My family and I had just recently moved to the area and so I was in a new school with no friends. For some reason, I believe this field trip was taken during the first part of the school year because I recall having plenty of time to walk around feeling humiliated before summer began.
Nicholas wasn't actually in my class so I had not seen much of him or talked to him. He was a very smart boy and he was taking advanced classes where he got to leave early one or two times a week to take a class at the junior high school. Nicholas had puppy dog brown eyes and short, dark brown hair that curled up in different places.
Nicholas and I somehow ended up sitting together on the bus ride back from our field trip. I don't think we talked but we played hot hands and we laughed together and made awkward eye contact all the way back to school.
It wasn't but a day or so later that Nicholas asked if I'd "go with him". I agreed that I would and I had my official boyfriend (not counting Kent Lovin* from Kindergarten).
Since Nicholas and I were in different classes, we only got to see one another at lunch and recess. I had not ever sat with Nicholas and his friends before but suddenly, I found myself sitting with him. We would hold hands and just kind of look at each other and smile. This all sounds so sweet and innocent, and it was, but there was a problem amidst this young love.
I would panic as soon as I came into contact with him and I would completely freeze up on him. Our lunches were unbearable because I literally would not say one word to him. We'd meet in the lunch line, I'd smile at him, he'd smile back, we'd get our food, we'd sit down at the table. We'd look at each other and smile as we opened our milk containers. We'd make small talk with the other people around us. I believe one time I did summon up the courage to ask him how he liked his classes at junior high, but that was it (hey, at least I get a point for showing interest in his achievements). I just could not ever talk around him after that day on the field trip. I would get stage fright.
I realize now that the difference was that on the field trip, I had no inkling of an idea that Nicholas Lincoln might like me. I wasn't really even thinking about liking him either. So, I was just being myself. As soon as I realized he liked me enough to want me to "go with him", well that just changed everything!
One day, after lunch, he took my hand and we walked out to the playground for recess. He ran around to a couple of people asking for a pencil. He finally found someone that had one and without saying a word to me, he just climbed up on to the picnic table that sat under a pavilion and carved our initials into the wooden beam of the pavilion roof.
That is quite possibly the most romantic, innocent gesture I ever received throughout my adolescence. It was a moment that I remember vividly because I remember feeling so good about myself when he did that. I felt proud and loved and cute and accepted. Nicholas Lincoln liked me! A lot! No other boy in the sixth grade had done that so it wasn't like it was something they were all doing. I look at my son now -- also in the sixth grade -- and see how he and all of his friends are so scared of the girls that they wouldn't be caught dead carving a girl's initials into a wooden beam.
Nicholas and I talked on the phone a few times. What's so odd is that I would call him! And we would actually talk! I remember talking to him one afternoon and hearing another phone ring. I asked him what that was and he said the second phone line. I remember being kind of taken aback that people actually had second phone lines. I definitely felt out of his league despite his sweet way with me.
Of course it all had to come to an end. I was mute around him unless we talked on the phone. I am not sure how long our relationship lasted. In the scheme of things, I believe it could have been anywhere from one week to a month. I don't know. I just know that the time I did spend with him was memorable.
Poor Nicholas, how horrifying to find out your girlfriend doesn't speak to you in public. He decided to end things in a most ironic way. I went to the girl's bathroom during a classroom break and a few girls in there said, "Nicholas doesn't want to go with you anymore." I looked at them and accused them of lying. They said it again and then told me that he had asked them to tell me.
I walked back towards our classrooms in shock! I walked up to the door of his room and peeked in. He was walking back to his seat and turned to look at me. Then he just kept on walking. I knew since he had not come to the door to see me, that we were over.
After school ended, he went off to a private school and I never talked to him again after that day. Isn't it funny how something that happened so long ago comes creeping back into your memory from time to time? There really isn't a point to this and I don't really have a good ending for it either. I have always hated conclusions. I never have been able to wrap things up tightly. And seriously, having a good ending is sometimes just as important as a good beginning. You want to leave your reader feeling wowed. This isn't really a "wow" story. It's just something that happened to me in sixth grade that I wanted to write down.
*Name changed to protect the innocent (which would be ME).
Posted at
09:56 PM
comments: 1
show comments »
WHERE ARE YOU?????????????????????
Posted by anita at November 14, 2006 03:30 PM
« hide comments
Self-Made Man 